Inquisitive/Unapologetic Black Female to Transgendered Dude/Caring/ Practical Geek

I am a hard worker. I am inquisitive. I deeply care about people and what they need. I feel that it is my job to help bring about healing in whatever capacity that is needed. By that I mean that sometimes people need to be heard, sometimes they need help with an action item that could be job/school/opportunity related, advocacy, sometimes they need to have a holding environment, sometimes they need only a smile.

Other than that, I can be identified as an unapologetic Black female to male transgendered dude who LOVES cuddly and not so cuddly organisms, and manages to also be a super practical geek with his heart and brain on his sleeves. I love life and constantly pose wonderings about everything that I experience.

From a young age, I felt very different. I do not know what created that feeling. When I was sub 12, I did not know that I would be identified as a lesbian, did not know that I would eventually be identified as male. I did not know that while I pushed myself to get good grades that there was more at stake than just my mother’s happiness. I did not know why my mom placed us in private and parochial schools or why I was not allowed to play with the other children in my neighborhood. I just know that in school, in public I was always seen as different.

It was not until middle school that I began to truly wonder about how being Black impacts me. I remember making friends online and then meeting those friends and them being shocked that I was Black. I remember as an adult that people assumed that I was a paraprofessional or a humanities teacher for elementary ages but when I told them I was a High School science teacher (who actually majored in science), or that I have two Master level degrees, and that I am a Vice Principal and oversee Math and Science at an Advanced STEM school, they continue to be shocked. That plus owning my own property in a fully gentrified part of Brooklyn tends to simply put people in fits!

I guess those accomplishments are a big deal in this society. I mean, right now, I live in a world where in my now fully gentrified neighborhood, people think I am the guy that is paid to take out garbage. I think part of my power lies in the fact that to me…those are not accomplishments to be surprised by. My mom always told me that I can do anything, be anything and have anything I want. I just need to plan purposefully, make smart decisions, and be a good person and things in life should work out. Hope alone does nothing. So, to me, what I have, simply makes sense based on the aspirations I have for myself. Shouldn’t we live in a world where there is no surprise that a Black male actively loves and does science and be considered middle class by NYC standards at the same time?

While, I do get upset and hurt by many of the ways society treats me or assumes things about me, I recycle that energy and put it into doing good works for my people.  That is why I continue to work in education.

That’s power…I will use the hate and work alongside my people to build our own.

Being that I am a practical person, I tend to categorize and plan out as much of my life as possible. This includes making predictions and constantly reflecting on day to day as well as long term experiences. Since middle school, I have created multi-tiered 3, 5, 10 and 20 year goals based on personal ethics. Those goals tend to orient around my concerns for people and to be of use, my desire to someday be ‘free’ and off of the grid, and my desire to ensure that neither myself nor any progeny of mine have to yearn for a practical material thing.  As long as those things are consistently true, and being worked towards, I feel good. Other than that, I need to feel like I am constantly learning and doing new things professionally and growing my brain in general.

My main goals towards building and measuring personal growth is to ensure that other people of color not only realize their own power but to utilize it for the betterment of our people as a whole. I am constantly working to better myself so that I can be useful in the fight. To me, being truly unapologetic includes being able to be good hearted and relatively free of regrets. I am sure there are many people that live ‘unapologetic’ lives but may also purposefully and unnecessarily hurt others. I have a low tolerance for hate.

Therefore, I guess I would say:

Regardless of who you are, what you do, and what you have you should work hard to develop and consistently implement the letter and spirit of these words:

  1. What is the impact of my action/inaction on the environment, the person(s), myself, etc?
  2. Is this ethical (personally or professionally?)
  3. “And it harm none, do what ye will” – Wiccan Rede
  4. “I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.”  William Ernest Henley, Invictus

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